An accute case of color mis-management

This is ridiculous: a highschool in Massachusetts sent a student home for apparently wearing gang colors. Blue? Red? Black? None of the typical thug-wear hues.The boy was wearing brown. Brown. Not dark brown that could be confused with black, not a reddish brick brown that could pass for red, but chocolate cocoa brown.

Well, golly gee, good for them! Colors that can alienate students and promote disruptive or dissident behavior must be eliminated from our schools in order to ensure quality education. I say we should not stop at the obvious gang related colors.

Let's start with pink. Pink is a pernicious color that many teenage girls will wear to display their true evil nature. Their adorable and cheery disposition marginalizes and stigmatizes those who tend to be surly and crabby, especially early in the morning. We should not impose that amount of cuteness on anyone who does not want to face life with rose colored glasses.

Then comes green, orange and yellow, typical colors that represent nature and the environment. We all know what those treehuggers, granola eatin' , Greenpeace lovers do on the weekend. We know what those hippies do in thier spare time. Macrame and yoga are simply gateway hobbies to more destructive activites like saving whales or volunteering at your local Y.

There's also that "false color" white worn by extremist groups like the Klu Klux Klan and first time brides. Well, we can't tolerate that color either since it could entice people into racism, cross burning or, worse, weddings!

And forget about colors like purple and grey. Can't people make up their minds? Is it blue or red? Is it black or white?

I propose we all go naked to school. Let's embrace our true selves, cellulite, pimples, dimples and all. Adam and Eve did it so why can't we? And then, when we freeze our asses off or when somebody complains that ears lobes shouldn't be shown, we can chop them off too...

*sigh*